Shill part 2:
Spokane Photography

I'm being a shill for a minute:
Spokane Photography

Kindergarten Cop

First, it's an amazing movie. If you haven't seen it, then watch it. But more importantly, for whom was this movie made? It stars The Schwarzenegger as a cop who is trying to take down a drug kingpin of sorts. It seems this drug kingpin's wife took some of his money, 3 million dollars, and ran away with their son, and is hiding out. Rumor has it that she's in Astoria, Oregon. The Schwarzenegger accompanies his female partner to Astoria in order to find her, to protect her, and so she can testify against him. Arnold's partner poses as a kindergarten teacher....except she gets sick the first day and Arnold has to take over, and hilarity ensues. It's rated PG-13, has some violent moments, and has some coarse language, as they say. Due to the rating and what have you, I am reasonably certain it wasn't intended for small children. Given the nature of the content, Arnold teaching Kindergartners, it's not exactly for teens. And I can't imagine too many adults would be interested. Despite the fact that I have no clue as to who the intended audience is, it made over 90 million dollars when it was released in 1990. I managed to see it as a child, and nostalgically cling to it, the wife recently saw it, and was dismayed that she had not seen it before. It's an amazing movie, seriously, check it out. It's got some terrible acting, by both adults and children, but overall is hilarious. Watch it, then tell me who it was made for.

RANDOMNICITY!

This is going to be a lot of random thoughts that have been running through my head lately, in a numerically formed manner:

1.) The scene with Rainn Wilson in Juno is one of my least favorite scenes of a movie I like, ever.

2.) The Kinks are the most underrated band ever.

3.) I hate people who say "I could care less." Stop. Think. Bother to add the "n't." It's not too complicated.

4.) Sam's stock tip of the day: If they get the bailout, GM, if not Ford. They have a ten billion dollar loan they've already gotten but haven't touched, They're whining for a bailout too, but that's just because they figure if GM gets it, they should too.

5.) I generally like watching Back to the Future 1 and 3, they sometimes make me angry, but Back to the Future 2 always makes me angry....damn time paradoxes.

6.) I'm really glad I rarely ever hear the phrase "main street" used to describe normal people these days...one of my most hated phrases of the campaign.

7.) I had a dream where I was one of the gang in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia....it was a great dream.

8.) You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have, the facts of life.

9.) I'm looking forward to my brother coming home, so we can mumble to each other about our ridiculous family right in front of them. I don't think I enjoy many things more than talking about them in front of them, in such a low and soft manner that they can't hear it....it's stupendous.

10.) Ted Stevens. HAHAHAHAHA! What a great 85th birthday present.

11.) Gene Simmons, of Kiss fame, and Ian Anderson, god behind Jethro Tull claim to ave never done drugs. Some people find it hard to believe, but I often think it's plausible, given the insane people I know.

12.) People continue to find my blog by searching for things similar to "calf suck my dick" or "calf sucking dick." What the fuck is wrong with people....I'm glad you continue to be linked to my blog because of it though, ha.

13.) I've decided Mormonism and Scientology aren't all that far off from each other.

14.) Mmmmm, Vinyl.

15.) Some of the greatest shows ever made:
Home Movies
Newsradio
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mr. Show
Freaks and Geeks
Chappelle's Show
Arrested Development
Futurama
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Extras
Blackadder
Fawlty Towers

SECRETARIES!

So, I was thinking about this a few weeks ago when Madeleine Albright was interviewed on NPR. Who are my favorite Secretaries of State? Amazingly I had a top four list pretty quickly, but after some thought I expanded it into five, just for you. So, in no particular order:

1.) Henry Kissinger (Nixon, 1973-77)
This one is in particular order. I love Henry Kissinger. I think he's the man. So much so I name random things after him, like frisbee golf holes, and tables. Hank Kissinger, I like him. I manage to look past his carpet bombing of Cambodia, I don't really approve of it, but as my friend Dan sardonically said, we sure haven't heard a lot from Cambodia lately. I'm also not a fan of his getting people to kidnap Central American dignitaries...what I love though can be summed up in one word. Pragmatism. I lied, there are several more words. Realpolitik, German, woooooooo. Detente, french, wooooo. Opening communist China. Setting up the end to the cold war. Turning defeat in Nam into victory all around the world. The man is reviled by so many, and I think those people should bother to read. Kissinger did a lot for the United States, not only during his time, but set up some amazing things that continue today. Also, Nobel Peace Prize, Sweden thinks he's rad, too.

2.) William Seward (Lincoln, Johnson, 1861-69)
The man had no experience whatsoever. Nobody thought he was a good choice. He came in second to Lincoln in winning his party's nomination, and apparently that was good enough for Lincoln. He bought Alaska, for what would today be about 90 million dollars. Everybody thought he was insane, probably including the Russians, the original owners. Seward was unaware of its vast resources, read: oil, but said it was a good choice, because it gave America more land. I can't imagine what the cold war would have been like if the comrades had a large chunk attached to Canada, it would have been no good for us, and my friend Hank Kissinger. More than Alaska, Seward kept the confederacy down. First he tried to make them join back up by threatening war with Britain and France, assuming it'd unite the country. When Lincoln told him to stop being insane, he instead convinced Britain and France to not acknowledge the existence of the Confederacy.

3.) John Quincy Adams (Monroe, 1817-1825)
Sure he was a president, but his best work came as secretary of state. He authored the Monroe Doctrine, even though the credit goes to Monroe, clearly. In doing so he made sure Britain, France and Spain wouldn't screw with us. He then bought Florida from Spain to make it even easier for them not to screw with us. He also negotiated with Spain to get us all the way to the Pacific. He also shaped a much friendlier policy towards Native Americans than any other president at the time, most of which was reversed when Andrew Jackson, noted Indian hater, took office.

4.) Thomas Jefferson (Washington, 1789-1793)
Jefferson is on here mainly because he was the first. He set the precedent for the job. He made it what it is today, and what it always has been. Not only that, but when Britain and France began battling in 1793, even though he totally loved France, he set America up to be neutral.

5.) Madeleine Albright (Clinton, 1997-2001)
I feel she is the most underrated Secretary of State. That could be because it hasn't been long, though. She helped spread environmental standards and labor standards throughout the world. She was a major reason the conflict in the Balkan region didn't go much more poorly. She made many American alliances much stronger, and pressed countries on the issue of Human Rights.

Honorable Mention goes to Hamilton Fish, Dean Acheson, George Marshall, Charles Evans Hughes and John Hay.

Best Name goes to Lawrence Eagleburger.

Secretaries I Hate The Most: Lawrence Eagleburger, come on, he was only there for a month, Alexander Haig, John Forsyth.

That's my dork binge for tonight.

HIPPIE-STERS!

Ridiculously Long Post Ahead.

Note: Maddie may be referred to as Maddie, Madster, Ashtar or Shake-Zula.

So, Wednesday. I worked for 7 hours, which entailed driving for 140 miles. Then, I went home, and immediately drove to Portland, which was another, about, 300 miles. Then I went to a concert, and then drove to Olympia, which was about another 120 miles. Basically, I drove a lot.

Once in Portland, I parked at random parking lot, and wandered my way through the Portland State University until I found the ole Madster's dorm. We stood around, then walked to street car. From there we walked to Berbati's Pan, a hipster bar/concert venue, that should be a Saloon. It's reeks of cowboy bar, but is in fact a hipster joint....I hate hipsters. We went inside and stood around, slowly watching the hipsters come. Cody and Ashtar bought t-shirts of Yelle, and I had my vinyl copy of her album with me, hoping to obtain signature of the Yelle.

First band was a quintet of hipster themselves. Their name, Funeral Party. They did an amazing job of looking like each other. Especially the front three. Flannel, thin moustache, tight jeans, douchiness coming out of orifices. They're music was terrible, and their vocalist even worse. I understood maybe 8 words of what he said, because I, unlike hipsters, do not understand screaming. The hipster crowd was just that. Some of them jumped up and down, some held their place in the front for Yelle, but did not seem to enjoy Funeral Party. Then there was the crowd in the back corner who did not seem to notice music was playing. I feel Caleb Majeski, lunatic extraordinaire, would have been better had he gone up with a 4 track recorder, spent ten second imitating a guitar, then started the loop over, recorded his version of drums, started the loop over, recorded another instrument, played them all in a loop and began to sing about his experiences working for an Asian restaurant.

More hipsters arrived.

Then another quintet appeared. They were from Boston. And named Passion Pit. And with a name like Passion Pit, you know they have to be rad. They had 3 synthesizers. The lead singer sang several octaves above where he was capable of adequately doing so. The drummer wore glasses, no big deal, but they were attached via a strap about the back of his head, you know, like that dorky Asian kid in PE in 4th grade. Even more hipsters enjoyed Passion Pit. Enough so that Shake-Zula, Cody and I felt it necessary to retire to the back of the room with the hipsters who pretended that things weren't happening around them. From there we got to see some good times. Hipsters don't understand that throwing together the most tacky things you can find into an outfit, does not constitute fashion, so watching them all in one place can be quite amusing. Though the downsides outweigh that one upside. A.) They don't believe in deodorant. Secondly they think they're fucking rad. And third they have no spatial recognition at all. They don't seem to understand objects actually prevent them from going from point a to point b. They expect to be able to just walk, and things will move. They also don't understand that their flailing hits things, and those things usually don't enjoy being hit. I got stabby quite fast.

More hipsters appeared out of the ether.

Finally Yelle was up. She was terrific in all her french glory. Her band mates were quite enjoyable as well. I really don't have a lot to say about it. Hipsters enjoy dancing. I enjoy standing and taking the situation in. It made for fun times. I had Yelle and her band mates sign my record. I also hugged Yelle, just to say I did. I hugged Yelle. There, it's out of my system.

We then walked next doors and Cody and the Ashtar Galactic Command Outpost got doughnuts from Voodoo. They make doughnuts in the shape of a penis and balls, ha, it's so clever. Hipsters love it. Our trek back to PSU began. Street car was not running that late, so we walked back. Maddie had forgotten her keycard, she's kinda forgetful. Randomly leaves objects places. She also forgot her phone. So Cody had to call Maddie's phone, hoping that her roommate, the Lazy Hawaiian would answer. Eventually she did, and then she let us in the dorm. We began driving, but Portland's guiding signs are terrible. Note for the future, the signs that say I-5 South and 405 South, also mean North. It is the way to get to I5 and the 405 period, but the signs say South....god damned Oregonian hippies. Once we drove around Portland for half an hour, we discovered that Maddie had forgotten something else crucial. So we had to go back to her dorm anyway. Once there we used the interweb, it got us onto the freeway. This is now at about 2:30 in the morning when we actually left Portland, I was tired.

We drove for a while, and had to pull over so I could stretch, and wake the hell up. Eventually after stopping at multiple places we made it to Olympia. Which is where another wrinkle comes in. Cody, despite professing that he did indeed know the way to go, did not know the way to go. Instead of going to West Olympia, we went to East Olympia. We drove all the way through Olympia, until Cody finally managed to get us to Evergreen. Which is where another wrinkle comes in. Cody doesn't know where roads go. We made approximately 73 wrong turns. Eventually we got there, and I managed to go directly to Megan's, where I slept. I got to Megan's at about 4:45 in the morning. Really fucking tired.

Then Megan and I went to coffee, and then picked Madster, Cody and the Caleb up. We went to Top Foods, and came back to Megan's to start a Wes Anderson film festival. Caleb and I played chess twice, during which I played defensively and lost, then played offensively and fared much better, with a victory. Cody then challenged me, and I kicked his ass twice. Oh, and Maddie threw up some, because she can't handle her liquor. What an o'keefian bitch. It was good times. That's the end for now, except I'm going to add later, so it's not the end for you at all, I refer you to the next paragraph, to prove this point. Which might make one wonder why I'm even bothering to write this part. Originally it was just to verify to myself that I would continue the blog, because if I wrote it, it will happen. But now I've drawn it out really long, and it's entirely lost it's point...shazbot.

Picking up where I left off: we continued watching Wes Anderson movies, and Caleb, Cody and I continued to play chess, ending in victory every time for me. Even the one time Cody and Caleb played each other, I'm pretty sure I won. Around about ten o'clock we were kicked out of Megan's, primarily because she's an insane bitch. I took Cody, Caleb and Shake-Zula back to Cody and Caleb's dorm. I remained there for 15 minutes, charging my phone slightly and conversing with the good people. I then departed to sleep at a rest stop. The reason I'm sleeping at a rest stop is because someone is an insane bitch. I say it again, she's an insane bitch. I arrive at mile marker 90 on I-5 and am one of few cars in the lot, including an orange Volkswagen van, with a pop-top. I use the facilities, brush my teeth, and begin to attempt to sleep in Natasha, my car. I move the front seats all the way forward, which provides ample room, except I'm too tall. Eventually I retreat to the front passenger seat, which was much more comfortable, and begin actually trying to fall asleep around 1:30 in the morning, give or take.

I awoke several times to the sweet, dulcet tones of tractor-trailers, but eventually woke up for good at 6:53 AM when two people in U-hauls decided to ark right next to me, and talk really loudly while they smoked. I'm still unsure as to why they picked right next to me, when almost the entire lot was empty...sons of bitches. Luckily it's still dark, so I dress in my car, brush my teeth again, and begin to drive back into Olympia. I randomly drive around the town, seeing nothing spectacular, and eventually going to breakfast at an establishment called Black Bear Diner. It was okay. Nothing spectacular. I then drive to the area of the mall, and begin aimlessly walking around. First I walk a few blocks and go to Target, aimlessly walking there. I buy nothing, but in the parking lot see the orange Volkswagen van with pop-top again, and it's occupants, some of the biggest hippies I've ever seen. I think they may have been made of hemp.

I then walk to the actual mall and just walk around with coffee, as Starbucks was the only thing open. So I joined the old couples and groups of mothers and just walk around the mall with no particular goal in mind other than to waste time. Eventually Best Buy opens and I purchase two bad movies, Children of the Corn and Killer Klowns from Outer Space, on the cheap. I then walked back to car and put movies into Natasha. Then I walk to Borders, and purchase two good movies, Irreversible and Requiem for a Dream. I also purchase a news paper and Popular Science, hoping it will kill time. Between the Best Buy and Borders jaunts I text both Cody and Ashtar requesting they awake and call me, to end my boredom. They fail to text back, and while at Borders I call them. Both their phones immediately go to voicemail, indicating they had been turned off, damn jive monkeys.

After Borders I drive around randomly, nowhere in particular. I call a few more times, hoping that they will have randomly turned their phones on, but to no avail. I go back to Target, this time purchasing Seinfeld Scene It, and some speakers to use with iPod. I then drive up to Evergreen, on the way seeing the orange Volkswagen van with pop-top on the side of the road, camping out. I get to Evergreen and park in the back of a random parking lot and begin to read the publications I purchases. After gleaning all the information I could from the Seattle Times and Popular Science, and calling the jive monkeys again, I finally just go to their dorm. The issue being that you cannot reach their floor without a key card or key. I hate all the hippies I see too much to ask if they'll let me up, so I just begin charging laptop and phone and screwing around on said laptop. Eventually Caleb randomly comes down to seek his lunch, and he lets me up. We then acquire food, and come back. I make it pretty clear I am full of anger at Cody, and somewhat Maddie. I was to take them to the train station so Maddie could obtain a train ticket. Instead I sat there stewing in anger, talking to Caleb, watching CNN. Eventually, about two hours after I got into their room, Cody asks if we are going to go obtain said train ticket. I inform him that I think they both know how to use a bus, as they both had before, and as such could obtain said train ticket themselves. They depart.

Caleb and I moved to Cody's side of the room and began conversing about Cody's objects. The $700 sitar he never plays, his bowler hat, which he stunningly wears some times, action figure from I forget what, random stuff. We then notice Maddie's birth control pills and begin talking about a scheme to switch them out without her knowing about it, but as always, Caleb and my schemes are always too complex to actually carry out. Instead we take the remaining three photographs with her Polaroid, one of Caleb, one of me, and one of a fire alarm which says “Pull My Dick.” After running out of film, we are unsure what to do. It took a very short amount of time before we decided to take pictures of Maddie's birth control pills in weird positions with Maddie's digital camera. Those pictures will eventually be put up on Facebook, I promise to include insightful narrative with them when Maddie puts them up, and I steal them.

I then drove Caleb, and three of his friends to a liquor store, and acquired liquor for them, because I'm a bad person, or good friend, or combination of the two. We head back, and then Caleb heads to work. I begin watching television in his room, and Cody and Maddie come back. I'm done with my anger, at least on the surface, I shall eventually cause Cody's slow, long demise, but on the surface I'm fine. Gabe has called Cody, and Cody calls him back, and long story short, we go to Gabe's, because it's his birthday, and he wants us there.

We arrive and begin just hanging out, eating Halloween candy, everyone but me drinks, we listen to music and talk about random things. Sometimes we head outside and smoke the tobacco, it is during these times that I lean things about Mark Majeski, Caleb and Gabe's father, that make sense, but at the same time I never wanted to know. Out of respect for the Majeski children I will not publish what I learned, just know this, the way Caleb and Gabe turned out makes complete and utter sense given their parents. They're not some genetic peculiarity, they make perfect sense. If you know Gabe and/or Caleb, that should explain everything you need to know about their parents. Eventually Gabe gets way too drunk. He puts on his snake skin whore boots, and mills about, and then at some point begins to dance to some Van Morrison. Caleb, being an amalgam of Gabe, and a few others joins him. At some point Gabe took his shirt off, and then Caleb did the same. Soon after Gabe began demanding more alcohol. Eventually they took up a collection, receiving none from me, and Gabe's friend Brentson went to the store and got beer for him. Very soon after Brentson returned Cody, Maddie and I took our leave.

On the way back up to Evergreen we see the orange Volkswagen pop-top van again. I drop the love birds off, and after confirming that the chances of them being awake before noon were slim, I decide to just start driving home at about...honestly, I no longer remember what time I left. I began driving north on I-5. The first rest stop I got to, I pulled off to sleep, but every single spot was full. My solution was to keep driving. I get on highway 18, eventually getting food in Auburn, to help keep me awake, and keep heading towards home, knowing I would eventually stop to sleep. I decided on the mall parking lot at North Bend. Problem being that I exited the freeway one exit too early. I drove through all of Snoqaulmie, following the signs back to the freeway, assuming I'd end up by the mall, the only other exit I am aware of in North Bend. My assumption was incorrect. I get back on the freeway, thinking the next exit would be the mall. It was not. It was some random truck stop exit. Containing only a gas station for cars, a gas station for trucks, a diner and down the road some sot of gravel pit or something, not to mention the giant parking lot full of tractor-trailers. I decide I can drive no further, as that would involve the pass. Diner parking lot it is. I feel asleep rather quickly.

Saturday morning at 7am I hit the road. I should have filled up before I left, I'm an idiot. I reach the top of the pass and desperately need gas. Gas at the top of Snoqualmie is quite expensive. I depart soonly after purchasing breakfast, Sun chips and Pepsi, and gasoline. I begin the trek home, quickly finding an NPR station, mmm NPR. I make no more stops on the way home, and drive somewhat rationally, as I did not want to get another ticket from the assholes near Ritzville. That's about all I can recall right now. I reached home about 11:15 in the AM and began more adventures. Usual dork stuff.

CONFUSION!

So, up in the right corner, there's this little icon thingy, it's called sitemeter. It measures traffic. I was curious one day, and it's free, so I put it on there, I don't have many readers, at least on my actual blog site. If you're reading on facebook then the icon isn't there, and you should go to my real blog, jerk. Anyway, the website that runs it tells you some interesting things about it, like the page that referred people to your page. Usually it's my facebook or something, but sometimes people find my blog because they searched random crap in google, and my page comes up. I found one such instance, and it troubles me.

Someone searched for "organization for farmers who let calves suck cock." They didn't use the quotes, otherwise nothing would come up, but without the quotes my site is second on google. Presumably because at some points i have used the words "suck cock" and "organization" etc. I'm a little confused about who would search for that, but for you, sir or madam, I now have the search term verbatim, so if you put it in quotes next time, my site will probably be the only one. On top of that, I will answer your query.

The organization for farmers who let calves suck cock is colloquially known as Farmers and Agriculturists for the Degradation of Calves through Fellatio, usually referred to as FADCF. You won't find any mention of it on the internet...well, you will now, but they're a pretty submersive organization. I only know about them because my friend Steve's father was a member, Steve's dad is kinda screwed up. He's not a member anymore, because they found out he was never a farmer, he just has a cow sucking dick fetish. Anyway, if you need more information, you can contact me through the comment section, maybe leave your email or something, and I can let you know about it, or get you in touch with Steve.

ACCORDIONS!

So, it's been a long time since I blogged. I'd apologize, but I'm really not sorry. I went to an accordion concert. More specifically, The Monsters of Accordion, which is a terrific name for a tour. It was at the Caterina Winery, and for a good portion of the time I thought I might be inside a David Lynch movie. I'd estimate how many people were there, but I was sitting in a place that would not really allow me to look back and see the audience, maybe 50 or so based on the sound and chair layout. But anyway, the lighting was interesting, there was a large moon hanging by rope above the stage area, and it was an accordion concert, still seems weird to me. But on to the show.

The opening act was from Spokane, Karli Fairbanks and her band "Power und Beauty." Not positive if that is the real band name or just what they came up with at the time, it was their first concert. They were a little late because somebody told them the wrong time. But they got there, and they were all dressed similarly. Four females, two wearing knee high socks, two wearing tights, skirts, shirts, suspenders, all very bavarian so far, and unicorn pins. As they put it, the unicorn is their band mascot, as "it represents the power....und beauty." They were pretty good, their lead being on accordion and sometimes drum, one girl being on keyboard and bells, one girl being on xylophone and tamborine, maybe something else, I couldn't see her too well, and one girl being on expandable colander. Yeah, that's right, expandable colander. She'd play it with a spoon, and it actually sounded quite alright. They played a few songs, they were generally good, could've used a bit more refinement, but again, it was their first show, I'd call it a success.

Next up was a woman named Amy Denio. Amy Denio is an interesting lady. She has worked with a ton off gorups, been on over 35 CDs and seems like a pretty cool lady. She's from Seattle, her songs generally were nice on the accordion and featured not too many real lyrics, but plenty of making vocal noises. She had one song called Salvatore. When she was younger she had saved enough money to go to Europe. She was camping in the south of France at a three star campground, she was pretty explicit about the three star aspect, and she met an Italian named Salvatore and wrote a song for him. It was in Italian, though, when she wrote it she spoke no Italian, so it featured the only Italian words she knew, which were things like Bologna and Mozarella, so the song was quite nonsensical, but pretty good none the less.

Next came a gentleman named Duckmandu. Duckmandu might be a genius, he might be insane, I can't decide. He wears a green suit jacket with black jeans and boots (boot appearing to be normal for accordion players, seemingly so they can stomp the hell out of the stage) and a Donald Duck hat. Not like a hat with Donald Duck on ite, the hat was Donald's head, the bill being his bill, and eyes above, etc. Donald's hat was even on the top of the hat. Duckmandu, real name Aaron Seeman specializes in playing punk songs on his accordion. Note for note. He has a CD where he covered the Dead Kennedey's debut album note for note, and it's quite glorious. He also played a song about how col drugs are, "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane, it was stunning. He usually finishes up with a ncie finale, but fire codes would not let him here. He puts on a modified Donald hat with a bunson burner sticking out the top of it, somebody holds a gas tank, and flame shoots out of his head while he sings "Highway to Hell." He couldn't do that, but put on the hat anyway and made another accordionist hold the gas tank as if there really were fire coming out of his head. It looked awesome in my head.

Next came another local artist. SammyThomas. He's won the National Accordion contest three times. He didn't sing with his songs like the other people, but he was easily the best accordion player among a group of touring accordion players. The favorite being a boogie. he played a full boogie on his accordion and most of the audience, including me, seemed quite awestruck. I dont have much more to say, but he was utterly amazing.

We then had an intermission, stood around for a little while, then up came Mark Growden. I'd say he was my least favorite of the night, but only because I wasn't a fan of his style. He played a few kinda slow-ish, based on religion ballads. The were alright. Maddie, girl with me, began to note his itneresting movement while playing accordion. I contend that I think he's an accordionsexual, and really fucking loves his accordion, Maddie contends he's gay. Either way, odd guy, yeah, I'm calling smebody other than a gentleman who calls himself "Duckmandu" odd. He did play some bike handlebars as if they were a flute, and he was quite good at it. I fear he could put me to shame on the one instrument I claim virtuouso status on, the panther flute. He also played a song called Cray Davey. It was a funny song while he was playing it, and I'd still laugh if I heard it, which he seems to encourage, but in retrospect, its a horribly sad song. It's about a guy who was hit by a car, and while in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, the hspital was struck by a train. The medics died, but Davey's heart kept pumping. Eventually he survived, but has the mind of a child. Mark contends the story is completely true, which just made it all the more sad in hindsight.

Finally came Jason Webley. Without Jason Webley there would be no Monsters of Accordion tour. He is the driving force behind accordion music, I think. The man is absolutely amazing. I never thought I could see people be so energized at an accordion concert, but Webley was able to do it. Making the crowd be his backing orchestra on two different songs. One time half the crowd was on violin, the other half on trombone. The very next song, one third of the audience was slide guitar, one third washboard, one third drums. Earlier I said that all accordion players seem to wear boots so they can stomp the hell out of the stage. They had a box up in the stage area, it was maybe five feet by three feet, and a foot and a half off the ground. Jason Webley stomped it so hard, that while he was standing on the box, it moved about two feet. I don't have a lot more to say, I might edit/update if I think of more. I will leave you with two videos, one of Jason Webley playing a song I really wish he had played last night, and one of Duckmandu being awesome. Oh holy balls, I almost forgot. Once Webley had finished his set, all the previous acts came up to the stage rea, and they performed "the only medley they all knew," which was "We Are The World." It was stunning, and amazing, and glorious.



Duckmandu





I also found this gem:

Surprise Wedding!

So, my family is screwed up. Screwed up in ways dissimilar to most people I know. It's an utter breakdown in communication, it happens on both my Mom's side, and my Dad's side, for completely different reasons. On my Mom's side, we just tip toe around actual issues, if it's important, and the slightest bit controversial, big time avoidance of it, little hints dropped here and there, until enough of the story is revealed, I've come to cope with that, and that's not what this post is about, this post is about my Dad's side. Everything on my Mom's side is for the entire side, it applies for my mom, grandmother, aunt, uncle, well, I'll be honest, not sure about the uncle part, rarely ever see that portion of the family. Whereas I have no idea what the rest of my Dad's family is like. I used to see them all the time, but since my parents got divorced, not so much, they may have communication issues, but I have a feeling it mainly revolves around my Dad. And to show it, welcome to Wacky Sam's Story Time.

So, a few years ago, about two years after I had moved out of my Mom's, which would mean it had been about 7 years since my parents got divorced, I got a call form my old neighbor, Alice. I have many stories of her, but those will wait. Anyway, Alice needed a ride to her daughter's work so she could then later go get her car from the shop. I was in the area, and she was always good to me, so I was more than happy to oblige. I picked her up, and we begin making casual conversation. At one point she asks me "How is your dad doing with his MS?" And being that I didn't know my father had MS, I did my natural reaction of "Oh....you know....good." The subject changed and we moved on. The next time I spoke with my brother, I asked, mainly curious why the hell I'd be left out of the loop about such an issue. Turns out he didn't have MS, they just thought he did, or something, but he's fine, and I don't know. Later I found out that this had been happening for some time, and my mom even knew....my mom and dad don't talk, meaning this went back to when they did, which was a long time ago. So I stayed out of the loop for a good 6 years on that one.

Moving on. The pops and I go get lunch every so often, once every couple of months or something, I don't know, not all that frequent, probably because of this whole communication thing. Anyway, one day I called him up and asked if he wanted to go get lunch on (insert whatever day of the week I had in mind). His response was, and I think I have it verbatim here: "I can't that day, I have to take Misty (his girlfriend, I'll mention her in a bit again, more back story on her then) to her doctor's appointment for her stroke." Again, I was completely unaware that anything had happened, and again I reverted back to my natural reaction "Oh...stroke....yeah, ok...what about (insert other day.)" Eventually something worked out, hasn't been talked about since.

And now the reason I decided to write this blog. Yesterday I received an email, I'm going to post it here. But before I do, I will give some precursory information.
Te people mentioned:
Mom-My grandmother, my father's mother. Her name is Marie.
Marge-My father's sister.
Maureen-My father's other sister.
Mary-Yet another sister of my father.
Before I go on, you may have noticed all their names start with "M." Not only that, but my Dad's name is Marvin, and his father's name Melvin. Obviously Melvin and Marie are "those parents" who felt it necessary to name all their kids with the same letter, same as their names, on top of that. I find it weird, but whatever.
Misty-My father's girlfriend
Now on to backstory of Misty, this is more so going to be surrounding the stroke issue, this info isn't necessary at all. My father and Misty have been together for.....I'll be honest, I'm not too sure how long, atleast since my parents got divorced, maybe longer, I don't know, I've made peace. She has her fair hare of medical issues, some weird balance thing, vertigo, who knows what else, I forget. She also had a stroke, probably because she has a lot of other issues, probably related. My father has told me before that they'd probably get married, but they hadn't because she was on medicare, due to her massive issues, and if they got married, she'd kind of lose out on that, and my fathehr can't afford her medical expenses. Anyway, on to the email:

Dear Sam,

Well I don't know if your brother told you, but five women are out to get me. Mom, Marge, Mary, Maureen and Misty have schemed to
the pinnacle of evilness. It appears we are going to Pendleton next week where Misty and I will be married in Margarets' backyard on the 24th. I assume that Michael is a innocent bystander.
Anyways that is what is happening in my world. How are things with you and your beloved. Keep cool.

Love,

Dad

Now, I get a couple things from this. Firstly, my brother knew several days before me, and I'd like to know why I was informed later, and also why my brother, whom I kno is reading this, jerk, didn't tell me, he claims he forgot, jerk. Secondly, either this is the best scheme ever, my father is easily fooled, or it's a lie. I think there's actually another option of this. Here's what I think hapened: they often spoke of getting married, and they at one point decided it was now feasible. Misty then got to planning, and as Misty talks to my father's sisters quite often, they (the evil women in my father's life) came up with a plan, and then they just told my dad. Figuring he wouldn't have a problem, and even if he did, too bad for him, he needs to stop his whining, which is a fair enough assesment. But since my father wasn't involved, it's a conspiracy. In all reality, I'm a bit surprised this isn't some sort of political conspiracy aimed at making him poor. I don't think he actually believes everything is a political conspiracy aimed at making him poor, but his words would make you think otherwise. Thirdly, and finally, the brevity of this email absolutely astounds me. One would also think he'd invite me or something, I don't know.

Anyway, I made this entire post just to show you that email, I think it might explain a lot about me. Those of you who know me may understand more about me now. It may have done nothing, I kind of just find the entire thing hilarious, which also seems sad. I think normal people might find the situation sad, but seriously, hilarious.

Another short one

This is an article by Christopher Hitchens, I'm a big fan of his, but this is unlike what he usually does, a video accompanies the article, as well.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2008/08/hitchens200808