Top 5 Celebrities I Want to Meet

So, here goes:
1.) Scott Baio. I think that's a given. He's screwed nearly every woman who was in a movie in the late 80's. I know everything he's starred in, pretty much, for no real reason either. Although, the first season of Charles in Charge was one of the most amazing things ever. I named my fantasy team after him, and "I Heart Scott Baio" is engraved into the back of my iPod. Zing.

2.) Walter Cronkite. It has always been my position that if a movie were ever made about me, I would want Walter Cronkite to represent the inner monologue inside my head.

3.) Phillip Seymour Hoffman. It has always been my position that if a movie were ever made about me, I woujld want Phillip Seymour Hoffman to play me.

4.) Richard Cheese. I own everything this man has made. Real name Mark Jonathan Davis, he used to be a jingle-meister for NBC. He used to sing the "Must See TV" jingles. And now I consider him a genius of music. I realize all he does is take popular songs and "swankify" them, but I find him amazing. I am currently conspiring to go see him in Seattle in August. Pray for me.

5.) Demetri Martin. I find him to be the funniest comedian that seems approachable that I haven't met. I have met Lewis Black, he might be tops if I hadn't already met him. Jim Gaffigan is super close. Jerry Seinfeld and George Carlin don't seem approachable to me.
By that, I mean that I think Jerry Seinfeld is probably so neurotic, he wouldn't meet me. George Carlin hasn't done much lately, and I don't know if I can forgive his being conductor on Thomas the Tank Engine. I will stick with Demetri Martin, the thinking man's comedian.


Notice there are no females on this list. I can't think of many female celebrities that might even crack the top 20. Meryl Streep might make the top 20. Not sure, maybe one day I will start a Top 20 series of blogs and cover the subject.

Top 5 Jobs

This marks the beginning of what I hope will be a long series in blogs of top 5 things.
To kick things off, I will start with the Top 5 jobs I desire.

1.) Cereal Mascot
Seriously, what an awesome gig, from what I can tell you either rave about the product, and try to get people to eat it.....or you try and stave off potential enemies to your cereal empire. I can tell people to eat cereal, no problem, I was a debater, I can make stuff up with the best of them. Staving off enemies, I'd say would be more complicated, but I don't think it would be. The enemies cereal mascots tend to have don't seem hard to defeat. They are either cartoons, or children. Neither seems to terrible difficult to me. Then again, there is the odd cereal mascot that is a criminal, like the cookie crisp dog things. That's the top job I want, Cereal Mascot.

2.) Any position in the mafia
This is one I have always wanted since a child. It seems dangerous, yes, but the fringe benefits, my god. Tax free money, protection from virtually everybody, unless you piss your employer off. I would of course like to be the first king pin of no real national descent, I'm not Russian, or Italian and anything else really. But if I don't make king pin, then bodyguard or lackey is fine.

3.) Pirate
Ideally, I'd like to be the first space pirate, but that seems a bit far fetched. So, I will stick with pirate. Now, honestly, I'm not sure there are any benefits to being a pirate, always on the run, always risking being shot with a cannon, being sunk, what have you. The only reason I want this job is because of how pirates have always been portrayed, what kid hasn't wanted to be a pirate? If you can show me one person that had absolutely no desire to be a pirate, I will show you a very screwed up person.

4.) Personal Assitant to some rich cool guy
I have discussed this with many of my friends that have the potential to hit it big. Basically, it shakes down like this, I will be their personal assistant/bodyguard, and they will also have some hot chick that is a fake personal assistant. Basically, I'd get to hang out with someone I enjoy hanging out with, and do their bidding. It only works with select people as boss. Jarrett Sacks is my leading candidate right now.

5.) That guy that reads the small print at the end of commercials
I can already read quickly, it seems like a plush gig. I imagine it going down like this. I walk into a sound studio, and I say "Hi Ted." See, Ted's the name of the guy who runs the mixing board and what not. Ted says "Great, and you Sam?" And I say "Oh pretty good, what are we recording today?" Then Ted says "Loan finance type stuff." Or "Some more medicines." Either way, I say "Super." Then I stand in a studio and read aloud.

Some may wonder why I didn't include something related to baseball. Well, I am not sure I can write full articles about baseball on a near daily basis.
Also not sure I can provide enough banter about baseball to get myself through hundreds of broadcasts a year. I used to be official scorer for the Spokane Indians, it was okay. The club interfered too much though. I prefer those other 5 first.

There you have it, my top 5 jobs. More Top 5's to come.