Friday, February 29, 2008

10 signs I'm a Giant Dorkitor

So, I'm a giant dork, those who know me on the smallest of levels probably realize this, but I'm going to throw out the top 10 signs of my unabashed dorkness.

10. I watch British sitcoms a ridiculous amount. These range from older ones, like Fawlty Towers, to newer ones, like The IT Crowd. Not only do I watch them, but they have prevented me from more seriously considering the idea of changing jobs. I don't have too much opinion about my job one way or the other, but a shining beacon of why I like it, is that every Thursday and Friday, I have the pleasure of talking to an Englishman who works at the same place, and we talk a great deal about Britcoms. Kind of ridiculous, I know.

9. I spend hours every week playing a board game with a good friend of mine. That's all we ever really do, and we do it several days a week. I am dreading him moving for the reason that he's a good friend, but also because I can't get the level of play he offers from any of my other friends. I just don't think it's possible to get that level of play with somebody I also enjoy hanging out with.

8. I spend hours a day doing baseball related things, whether it be watching live games on TV or online, watching old games on TV, reading about it or talking about it, much of my life revolves around a sport. And I do nothing but strive to gain more knowledge about it.

7. As my good friend, Dan, says, I know the name of anybody who has ever had a camera in front of them. While this is nowhere near true, comparatively it's not far off. I know a good deal about TV shows and movies in general, and with that comes the actors in them.

6. I've watched Scrabble Championships on ESPN, and I get rather excited when I find out another one is going to come on. This isn't exclusive to Scrabble, I also watched a rock, paper, scissors tournament once, it was fascinating. I love watching Trick Pool, Spelling Bees, Curling and various other not well known things, and things most people would find painstakingly boring to view, I live for them.

5. I was in debate for two years in high school, that alone classifies me as a dork, but it's the 5 years since high school that make me even dorkier. I spent one year judging and occasionally helping my old team out, then I spent another year helping out a lot, unpaid mind you, and judging every tournament. The year after that I became an assistant coach, actually being paid to help out. Most assistant coaches go in to their school a day or two a week, I quickly began going in on average 4 days a week. This is for multiple reasons, I enjoy mocking high schoolers, and I enjoy the company of some of the students and the coach. But the main reason is because I'm fucking addicted to debate. I now no longer coach, though this will probably change, but I help run every single local tournament, and constantly try to whore myself out so that schools will take me to state, and hopefully nationals, it's in Vegas this year, give me a break, I'll whore myself out in the debate world for Vegas. Though, I attempt to whore myself out every year, even when it was in Kansas.

4. I have ridiculous debates with people regarding the most absurd topics, such as how if terrorists did manage to steal 100 billion dollars of US Government gold, ala Die Hard with a Vengeance, it would probably help the government a great deal. Usually on face the arguments aren't all that dorky, but the people I surround myself with, and don't get me wrong, I do this too, we all tend to go off on a tangent, whether it be about how likely it is to happen, something only minimally connected, empirical examples, or what have you, we eventually reach a conclusion, but the ensuing discussions or arguments are some of the dorkiest things you have ever seen, if you have seen them.

3. I play with Legos. They're pretty radular. The wife and I hope to obtain all the city sets, and essentially have a tiny Legotown. I am also acquiring all the Indiana Jones sets, I am one away from having the ones based off the original movies, and soon the one base don the new movie will come out, I'm quite giddy about it.

2. Referring to the previous number, I say things like "radular." I thoroughly enjoy combing words, in that case "radical" and "spectacular," or "tubular." I do it quite often, many involving the word "radical." Radtastic, radular, radderful. I also like substituting words, I recently had the brilliant idea of beginning to say "Chris Bridges" whenever I wanted to say "ludicrous." The thought being that Chris Bridges is also known as the rapper Ludacris. I find this to be quite hilarious, as do a few other people, but whenever I use it, I now need to explain why I said something was so Chris Bridges, amazingly this has not deterred me from using it.

1. I quite enjoy documentaries. In fact, I recently watched a documentary about a typeface.
Yeah, that's right, a type face, live with it. It was regarding Helvetica, in case you are curious. It's called Helvetica. On the whole it was pretty interesting, a tad boring in parts, but now I know a lot about Helvetica. Unfortunately I could not make this post in Helvetica, despite the fact that it is the most common English typeface in the world, Blogspot does not have it, nor does my instant messaging program. WTF.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Facsimiles of Joy

I meant to post this yesterday, my apologies to Jeff Simcox.

So, I was working on Tuesday, the 19th. And, for those of you who are unfamiliar with my job, it used to be that I drove around for 8 hours listening to music. That's changed to driving around for 90 minutes, followed by sitting in a parking lot for four and a half hours, then driving around again for an hour. The parking lot I sit at is beneath the freeway, I basically just sit there listening to music, driving around the lot every half hour to count the cars.

Around 10 AM on Tuesday I was doing my normal drive around, counting cars. At the west end of the lot were two men, possibly homeless, sitting there on a bench, talking. Technically I'm supposed to tell them to get the hell out, but my philosophy is that if they're not hurting anybody, then what's the harm. Usually they sit there for five minutes or so, then keep moving anyway. So I kept driving.

On my second time around the lot, I saw one of the guys standing there, while the other was still sitting. He was standing up against the wall, which is made of cinder block type stuff, so it's a wall, but you can see through it, has lots of holes. Anyway, this guy was standing there, and I couldn't tell if he was exposing himself to me, or peeing. Regardless, I wasn't happy, I just saw his penis, and I'm not very okay with that. I exit the lot, and drive around the outside of it, and immediately notice the pee dripping down the wall. God fucking dammit. I eventually turn around and go back to the lot, but by the time I got back, the other guy was peeing on the wall. Anger.

I got out of my car, walked up there and just went "You guys gotta get out of here." The peeing guy had stopped by that point and kind of just nodded and smiled at me, it was pretty creepy. The other guy began to collect his things, cigarettes, back pack, etc. Recently peeing guy basically just kept nodding and smiling, and it just kept getting creepier. Original peeing guy just kind of mumbled that they were collecting cans. Mumbling to the point that I asked him to repeat himself. Slightly louder he said "We're collecting cans." To which I said "That'd be fine with me, but that's not what you're doing, you're peeing on the wall, and I'm not okay with that."

They left without any complaint, and upon leaving the lot magically met up with two apparent friends. Maybe they weren't friends, just some sort of bum code to talk to each other, I don't know. but that's my "I saw a homeless man's penis" story. Magical, wasn't it?

Saturday, February 16, 2008

My Triumphant Return

So, inspired by my brother, I have decided to begin blogging again, and I will kick it off with a straight copy cat post of his.

Ten Things About Me:

10. I seem to have an Encyclopedic knowledge of the show Full House despite wanting to kill myself whenever it's on.

9. I often enjoy watching C-Span, sigh.

8. I've been pulled over a ridiculously large amount of times, but never received a ticket.

7. I might as well have baseball coursing through my veins....if it were possible I probably would. Sweet, sweet baseball.

6. My life's goal is to be on my deathbed and be able to honestly say "I've had a lot of regrets in my life.....but I've never been to Texas."

5. I have organized a Three tier system pertaining to my life, even including a bicameral legislation, I have a House of Representatives comprised of five friends, a Senate comprised of three friends, I am the acting executive of this system, and I even have a supreme court, comprised of my wife. It's a great system of checks and balances.

4. I absolutely refuse to align with a political party, I even created one with a friend, but eventually decided to disband it, as I did not agree with it enough.

3. I am completely incapable of picking a favorite movie or musician.

2. My roommate and I once banned women from our apartment for two months out of fear they'd be shot in the vagina.

1. Four of my best friends in life have last names containing references, if not flat out being the name of, parts of the male anatomy.

Feel free to ask me questions pertaining to any or all of these.