So, up in the right corner, there's this little icon thingy, it's called sitemeter. It measures traffic. I was curious one day, and it's free, so I put it on there, I don't have many readers, at least on my actual blog site. If you're reading on facebook then the icon isn't there, and you should go to my real blog, jerk. Anyway, the website that runs it tells you some interesting things about it, like the page that referred people to your page. Usually it's my facebook or something, but sometimes people find my blog because they searched random crap in google, and my page comes up. I found one such instance, and it troubles me.
Someone searched for "organization for farmers who let calves suck cock." They didn't use the quotes, otherwise nothing would come up, but without the quotes my site is second on google. Presumably because at some points i have used the words "suck cock" and "organization" etc. I'm a little confused about who would search for that, but for you, sir or madam, I now have the search term verbatim, so if you put it in quotes next time, my site will probably be the only one. On top of that, I will answer your query.
The organization for farmers who let calves suck cock is colloquially known as Farmers and Agriculturists for the Degradation of Calves through Fellatio, usually referred to as FADCF. You won't find any mention of it on the internet...well, you will now, but they're a pretty submersive organization. I only know about them because my friend Steve's father was a member, Steve's dad is kinda screwed up. He's not a member anymore, because they found out he was never a farmer, he just has a cow sucking dick fetish. Anyway, if you need more information, you can contact me through the comment section, maybe leave your email or something, and I can let you know about it, or get you in touch with Steve.
So, it's been a long time since I blogged. I'd apologize, but I'm really not sorry. I went to an accordion concert. More specifically, The Monsters of Accordion, which is a terrific name for a tour. It was at the Caterina Winery, and for a good portion of the time I thought I might be inside a David Lynch movie. I'd estimate how many people were there, but I was sitting in a place that would not really allow me to look back and see the audience, maybe 50 or so based on the sound and chair layout. But anyway, the lighting was interesting, there was a large moon hanging by rope above the stage area, and it was an accordion concert, still seems weird to me. But on to the show.
The opening act was from Spokane, Karli Fairbanks and her band "Power und Beauty." Not positive if that is the real band name or just what they came up with at the time, it was their first concert. They were a little late because somebody told them the wrong time. But they got there, and they were all dressed similarly. Four females, two wearing knee high socks, two wearing tights, skirts, shirts, suspenders, all very bavarian so far, and unicorn pins. As they put it, the unicorn is their band mascot, as "it represents the power....und beauty." They were pretty good, their lead being on accordion and sometimes drum, one girl being on keyboard and bells, one girl being on xylophone and tamborine, maybe something else, I couldn't see her too well, and one girl being on expandable colander. Yeah, that's right, expandable colander. She'd play it with a spoon, and it actually sounded quite alright. They played a few songs, they were generally good, could've used a bit more refinement, but again, it was their first show, I'd call it a success.
Next up was a woman named Amy Denio. Amy Denio is an interesting lady. She has worked with a ton off gorups, been on over 35 CDs and seems like a pretty cool lady. She's from Seattle, her songs generally were nice on the accordion and featured not too many real lyrics, but plenty of making vocal noises. She had one song called Salvatore. When she was younger she had saved enough money to go to Europe. She was camping in the south of France at a three star campground, she was pretty explicit about the three star aspect, and she met an Italian named Salvatore and wrote a song for him. It was in Italian, though, when she wrote it she spoke no Italian, so it featured the only Italian words she knew, which were things like Bologna and Mozarella, so the song was quite nonsensical, but pretty good none the less.
Next came a gentleman named Duckmandu. Duckmandu might be a genius, he might be insane, I can't decide. He wears a green suit jacket with black jeans and boots (boot appearing to be normal for accordion players, seemingly so they can stomp the hell out of the stage) and a Donald Duck hat. Not like a hat with Donald Duck on ite, the hat was Donald's head, the bill being his bill, and eyes above, etc. Donald's hat was even on the top of the hat. Duckmandu, real name Aaron Seeman specializes in playing punk songs on his accordion. Note for note. He has a CD where he covered the Dead Kennedey's debut album note for note, and it's quite glorious. He also played a song about how col drugs are, "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane, it was stunning. He usually finishes up with a ncie finale, but fire codes would not let him here. He puts on a modified Donald hat with a bunson burner sticking out the top of it, somebody holds a gas tank, and flame shoots out of his head while he sings "Highway to Hell." He couldn't do that, but put on the hat anyway and made another accordionist hold the gas tank as if there really were fire coming out of his head. It looked awesome in my head.
Next came another local artist. SammyThomas. He's won the National Accordion contest three times. He didn't sing with his songs like the other people, but he was easily the best accordion player among a group of touring accordion players. The favorite being a boogie. he played a full boogie on his accordion and most of the audience, including me, seemed quite awestruck. I dont have much more to say, but he was utterly amazing.
We then had an intermission, stood around for a little while, then up came Mark Growden. I'd say he was my least favorite of the night, but only because I wasn't a fan of his style. He played a few kinda slow-ish, based on religion ballads. The were alright. Maddie, girl with me, began to note his itneresting movement while playing accordion. I contend that I think he's an accordionsexual, and really fucking loves his accordion, Maddie contends he's gay. Either way, odd guy, yeah, I'm calling smebody other than a gentleman who calls himself "Duckmandu" odd. He did play some bike handlebars as if they were a flute, and he was quite good at it. I fear he could put me to shame on the one instrument I claim virtuouso status on, the panther flute. He also played a song called Cray Davey. It was a funny song while he was playing it, and I'd still laugh if I heard it, which he seems to encourage, but in retrospect, its a horribly sad song. It's about a guy who was hit by a car, and while in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, the hspital was struck by a train. The medics died, but Davey's heart kept pumping. Eventually he survived, but has the mind of a child. Mark contends the story is completely true, which just made it all the more sad in hindsight.
Finally came Jason Webley. Without Jason Webley there would be no Monsters of Accordion tour. He is the driving force behind accordion music, I think. The man is absolutely amazing. I never thought I could see people be so energized at an accordion concert, but Webley was able to do it. Making the crowd be his backing orchestra on two different songs. One time half the crowd was on violin, the other half on trombone. The very next song, one third of the audience was slide guitar, one third washboard, one third drums. Earlier I said that all accordion players seem to wear boots so they can stomp the hell out of the stage. They had a box up in the stage area, it was maybe five feet by three feet, and a foot and a half off the ground. Jason Webley stomped it so hard, that while he was standing on the box, it moved about two feet. I don't have a lot more to say, I might edit/update if I think of more. I will leave you with two videos, one of Jason Webley playing a song I really wish he had played last night, and one of Duckmandu being awesome. Oh holy balls, I almost forgot. Once Webley had finished his set, all the previous acts came up to the stage rea, and they performed "the only medley they all knew," which was "We Are The World." It was stunning, and amazing, and glorious.
