I love this city.

Short post for you, it's just a link, and a promise. Hilarious story, further showing why I love this city, it's because shit like this happens.
http://www.spokesmanreview.com/breaking/story.asp?ID=15474

Now the promise. I promise to have a real blog of some sort up by Monday at 5, for those who care.

DEATH

The Ten Ways I Definitely Don't Want To Die

As usual, in no particular order, here are the worst ways to die, if you're me.

10. Eaten alive by a cannibal. While I'm sure I'd enjoy chatting to anyone who takes pleasure in eating someone, while they're still alive, I'm pretty sure the pain of this would be horrible. Having your flesh slowly pulled from your bones, I'm not even sure what it would feel like, but it has to be worse than most, if not all, types of pain I've experienced.

9. Drowning in a bucket, especially one with a warning label on it. That's just embarrassing.

8. Anything involving Carlos Mencia or Dane Cook. Having my last few seconds be either with them, or with them on the TV, something of that nature, would be horrific. Even if I'm being killed via my preferred method (coming to a blog near you, soon...maybe tomorrow), the joy of the preferred method would be eradicated by those douche nozzles. The only way this is okay is if I got to watch them die first.

7. A tragic cock sucking accident, one in which I was forced to suck said cock. I'm not sure how this would happen, maybe the penis would cause me to suffocate, if I had a cold, too, or something, maybe it would be so giant it would cause my throat to lacerate, I don't know, I don't want to find out, it'd be horrible. (Special mention to anal rape, I feel this fits in the same category, the category of "tragic forced sexual death.")

6. A long, drawn out death, in which I first become brain dead, and then live for several more years, being a burden to society, my family and whoever is footing the bill, poor bastards. Let it be known right now, that if I ever am pronounced brain dead, kill me. Whatever way you can, even if it's another method mentioned on this list, because by the brain dead point, I won't know. You could treat it as some sort of sick revenge....you freak.

5. Dehydration. I can barely stand to be dehydrated as it is, I sometimes wish death upon myself when I'm dehydrated, I can't imagine having it last a couple weeks and getting worse. Seizures, muscle spasms, loss of vision, delirium, extreme headaches, no thank you.

4. Having an alien tear it's way out of my abdomen. Every time I've seen this it looked pretty painful. Plus, it means I've been harboring an alien inside me, and become a pawn to their evil, seeking world dominance, ways. Bastard aliens.

3. Drawn and quartered. Jesus, ow. It kind of depends on how it's done, but essentially if my arms and legs are ripped off, I imagine I'd feel a lot of pain before dying. And all I would be able to do is flop around, screaming, wishing to die. So I suppose death might seem nice by the end of it.

2. A drawn out death as a result of sarin gas. Here are the potential symptoms of sarin gas poisoning:

• coma
• convulsions
• death
• difficulty breathing
• disturbed sleep and nightmares
• extreme sensitivity to light
• foaming at the mouth
• high fevers
• influenza-like symptoms
• loss of consciousness
• loss of memory
• nausea and vomiting
• paralysis
• post-traumatic stress disorder
• respiratory problems
• seizures
• uncontrollable trembling
• vision problems, both temporary and permanent

Now I know why Stanley Goodspeed freaked out so much in The Rock, you know, the beginning, where that cute little doll sprays out what might be sarin gas, and he has to defuse the bomb, and Isherwood is freaking out. What a bad, but entertaining movie.

1. Being bored to death. I'm not sure this could even happen, I imagine what would actually happen is that I'd slowly go insane and eventually eat my own tongue, and die of blood loss. I can keep myself entertained for a really long time, one reason I'm such a great security guard, I can stave off boredom, but over a long enough period, I begin to think i may be going insane. Death via insanity via boredom.

Big Sugar

So, a friend of mine, in fact the blog's namesake, told me I should watch this documentary Proving once again that Jarrett Sacks is my inspiration for everything. Produced by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, CBC, Big Sugar reveals what most people have never bothered to think about, where their sugar comes from, and the atrocities that put it there. What Big Sugar taught me:

So, the reason Canada was primarily British, and not French is because of sugar. Britain stole two islands from France, two islands which produced assloads of sugar. But Britain didn't want war, and knew they had to give something to France. Britain either had to give Canada back, or the two islands, Guadaloupe and Martinique. Guadaloupe alone produced 43 times the amount of revenue as Canada, France didn't even want Canada back. Nobody wanted to go there. The big sugar farmers bribed the hell out of the members of parliament. Giving them money, booze, getting them hookers, giving them precious lines of sugar to snort and mix with their tea, the usual sort of thing. The big sugar farmers wanted to keep Canada to stifle their sugar competition of those islands. Britain kept Canada so that British companies wouldn't have to compete with more potential British companies. Canada is basically British because Britain liked sugar. France was pretty damn happy about it, they needed that sugar..... to stifle the commoners, I suppose. Damn riotous Frenchies.

Sugar costs a lot more in the US than other places, apparently large Florida sugar farms have shut the door down to the sugar from other countries.

Sugar, despite the fact that it has no nutritional value, is subsidized up the wazoo.

Sugar companies are destroying the Everglades. Ask Al Gore.

A Florida representative wrote a bill to cut subsidies to sugar companies, and he had the votes to do it...until five cosponsors changed their votes. The bill lost by five votes. Cosponsors! I wish I was important enough to be bribed.

A sugar baron managed to call Bill Clinton while he was "being visited" by Monica Lewinsky, to complain about a potential tax on sugar. Lewinsky remembers the call. The tax wasn't passed, and in fact more subsidies were passed. That's power.

There are sugar plantations in the Dominican Republic alone that are larger than some countries, including Andorra, not that Andorra is large, but still, sugar plantations that are 400 square miles, that's huge.

Some workers on sugar plantation aren't allowed to leave the plantations, they're basically slaves. Scratch the "basically." They are. They get up, don't eat, go to work for at least 12 hours, then goes home, on the plantation, and eat dinner. If the children get hungry, they go out and steal some of the sugar cane, just to hold themselves over. Each man is expected to cut a ton of sugar cane a day. 2,000 pounds a day. They get about two dollars a day. They're even forbidden to plant their own gardens.

The Church of England ran a sugar plantation, even branding their slaves with the word "Society."

That was all part one, part two didn't really teach me anything. Part two is mainly about the affects sugar has on health. Sugar makes you fat, I knew that, I'm fat. I know how I got here.

I did gain one thing from part 2. The US threatened to withdraw 300 million dollars worth of funding to the World Health Organization if they published a report saying that sugar most likely leads to obesity, etc. The WHO didn't publish any of the sugar aspects of their report.

I suggest you see this, it's a very interesting documentary. I'm sure it has it's issues, most documentaries do, but very much worth watching. It's available on google video, too. Huzzah Google. Part 1. Part 2.

As usual, comments greatly appreciated.

Jesus Camp

Since my brother watched the movie "Jesus Camp" and wrote a blog, and since I've been meaning to watch the movie for several months now, and since I finally watched it, I, too, will write a blog about it.

Now, I'm fully aware that most Christians aren't like the ones in the movie. I grew up going to church every Sunday, and I went to a church camp for half a dozen years before I was 18, so I'm fully aware that the majority of Christians aren't represented by the people n the movie, but I am struck by many things:

The Pastor lady uses a lot of hair spray....too much. In fact, way too much considering she has short hair.

I'm astounded by the hatred towards Harry Potter, I was unaware that God didn't like fiction books, even if they represent the evilness of warlocks and witchcraft.

Like my brother I am shocked by the fact that these people seem to think that Christianity is American, and vice versa. It does indeed, as noted by mi hermano, seem like their faith would disappear if America ceased to exist.

Parents, regardless of faith, should not let their children sport rat tails. It's just not acceptable, I don't care if Jesus, Mohammad, Hanukkah Harry, Buddha or Lincoln specifically rose from the grave to tell you to have your child sport a rat tail, it's just not okay.

I'm always surprised about the amount of Christian T-Shirts come ridiculously close to crossing the line of Trademark infringement, slightly tweaked logos, slogans, etc. In fact, I think a good many could easily be prosecuted, but no large company wants to sue a company for supporting, or maybe exploiting under the guise of supporting, a religion.

Regardless of what I have believed in the past, at some points I was quite religious, I have never understood speaking in tongues, raising hands during worship, violently shaking, etc. Maybe I was never a true believer, I guess that can be surmised by my current state, but to me it just doesn't seem rational or believable.

I clearly don't understand what the kids wearing army fatigues and face paint are supposed to represent.

The Pledge of Allegiance to the Christian Flag was amazing.

I found the scene with the cardboard cutout of George W. Bush to be horrifying. I need to remember that, apparently, supporting the President is some sort of religious fundamental. i wonder if they'd support any President. After all, every President has been religious to an extent, none of them has ever claimed to be an atheist or agnostic, as I'm aware, and they have all attended services at the whatcha-ma-call-it church right next to the Whitehouse...I know, I've been there, they told me.

One guy preaching to the children referred to God "writing the novel" that is one person's life. A novel is, by definition, fictitious, which caused me to burst out in laughter at that scene. I understand what he was getting at, but it was amazing.

Referring back to my note about chanting, speaking in tongues and convulsing, apparently if you don't do that, you're not a real christian, and if it doesn't happen at your church, it's not a real church. Good to know, I hope all you Presbyterian posers and fakers are reading this.

I'm a bit curious why evangelicals are drawn to the megachurches. The least intimate of churches seem to be reserved for the most in your face devout of the group, seems odd to me.

I really enjoyed the part where a lady was talking about how our country was founded on Judeo-Christian ethics, and thus there should be God in school, etc. I'm assuming she is unaware of the first and msot basic of ammendments, one of those standards the country was founded upon. I suppose only things up to the preamble count. Oh, also, that whole wacky little seperation of church and state thing, which is a reason behind the first ammendment, atleast the freedom of religion aspect.

One Pastor in the movie asserts that if all the Evangelicals vote, they determine elections, which makes me wonder who they would vote for in this one. The conservative one they never see in a church, and who in fact has spoken out against many Christian leaders, or the liberal one who has to keep switching pastors because they're crackpots.

I'm confused as to how putting red duct tape over your mouth with the word "Life" written on it is a good form of protest regarding abortion. You know what that accomploshes? People walking past you either not noticing, or thinking you're a freak for taping your mouth shut. I am willing to bet less than 10% of the people who saw them even knew what they were doing.

Look, going out on a mission is a noble pursuit, but who wants to willingly be a martyr, far more can be acomplished through years and years of misssionary work as opposed to death in the name of God. The vast majority of scripture doesn't want you to die for God, it wants you to live for God.

A radio announcer, presumably a pastor in the midst of a sermon, that happens to be on radio, says that India is the most religiouos nation in the world, and that Sweden is the least religious, and that we, America, was a nation of Indians being ruled by a group of Swedes. That is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard in a long time. For one, India pretty much has one religion, America has just a few more than that. According to most surveys, approximately 75% of America does indeed identify itself as Christian, but those numbers are dropping at a pretty quick rate, and I really don't think that current representation in Congress has anything to do with it. Congress repeatedly passes religious resolutions and they are repeatedly struck down by the supreme court, which is mostly comprised of Christians.

Sometimes I wish I were indoctrined with something....anything really, it seems like it makes life a whole lot easier. I don't care if I'm indoctrinated with the thinking that Yassir Arafat was the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, our one true Lord, it seems easier.

I don't necessarily encourage you to watch the movie, you won't be missing out on a lot. If you watch it, and think it represents Christians as a whole, then you're an idiot. But if you want to see some wacky evangelicals, then go for it.