A THOUSAND NEEDLES IN THE EYES!
If anybody ever offers, or tries to make you take a oleo-resin capsicum training, your answer is "If you don't get away from me, I'm going to rip your intestines out through your calves, yeah, calves, figure that out, asshole."
Let me explain a few things. First oleo-resin capsicum. Oleo, meaning oil. Resin, I think you know what resin means, if not, stop reading my blog, I don't need your kind here. Capsicum is pepper. So, oily-resin pepper. Pepper spray. Now, training itself was not bad, reading, test, fake spraying etc. But a condition of the training is that you, yourself, are sprayed with pepper spray. And let me tell you, it's pure awful.
Going back, the training manual, put out by a pepper spray company itself, says that it feels like a thousand needles in your eyes. You know that feeling you get when your foot falls asleep, I mean, like really bad, like you walk on it and it not only hurts, but sometimes you're not sure what you're doing and you walk around like a retarded gorilla. Imagine that feeling in your foot in your damn eyes. The manual wasn't lying either, it feels like that. Now, as a condition of my training as a top of the pack security guard, ha, was that immediately after being sprayed, I had to cuff a guy, and then frisk him and find a weapon. Only then could I submerge my head in water. That water was great feeling, but short lasting. After washing my face with baby shampoo, it's easy on the eyes, I stood up, dried off, and paced for about 15 minutes. It seemed like the right thing to do. Wind feels amazing, sun feels awful. Your eyes stop hurting after a few minutes, but guess what, your brain doesn't think you should have them open. You can open them for a few seconds and your brain goes "Wait a second, I tried that once, it turned out pretty bad, close eyes, now."
After you dry off, a new effect takes hold. Before, the eyes just burned and you cough some, because you inhale pepper. Once dry, though, your face burns. Imagine the worst sunburn you've ever had, raise it up about twice as many notches and imagine it on your face. It's been an hour and a half since I was sprayed and my face still burns. Your only thought is "I need to submerge my head in water again, that shit was amazing." There's a catch though, thankfully our trainers told us this catch. Water does feel great, but once you take your head out again, and dry off, it will burn slightly more. As you stand around dry it slowly goes away, but water reactivates the god damned satan pepper. It makes your face burn more, it may get more pepper off, but it will intensify whats there.
It also affects some people way more than others. In fact, about 2% of the population is completely unaffected by it. They get sprayed and nothing really happens. We had a guy kind of like that in our training, he's a douche. That's a lie, he's a pretty nice guy, but the fact that it didn't effect him much makes him an assboat. Yeah, assboat. Anyway, it's way worse the whiter you are. Which, as my good friend Jarrett points out, "thats interesting since we designed pepper spray to injure young black men." The more aryan you are, the worse it is. In case you've never seen me, I'm a combination of English, Swedish, German and Norse. You can't get much more Aryan than that. I'm very white, blonde and blue-eyed. Luckily, I didn't take the advice of one co-worker of "You should shave beforehand." God, that would have been a bad idea. That was my adventure today, I'm now sitting in my house, with a fan blowing in my face, dirnking milk and from time to time rubbing cold things on my face, which, to anyone who was watching and didn't know the circumstances, might lead them to belive I had a weird fetish for metal things, but they feel so damned nice against my face.
Let me explain a few things. First oleo-resin capsicum. Oleo, meaning oil. Resin, I think you know what resin means, if not, stop reading my blog, I don't need your kind here. Capsicum is pepper. So, oily-resin pepper. Pepper spray. Now, training itself was not bad, reading, test, fake spraying etc. But a condition of the training is that you, yourself, are sprayed with pepper spray. And let me tell you, it's pure awful.
Going back, the training manual, put out by a pepper spray company itself, says that it feels like a thousand needles in your eyes. You know that feeling you get when your foot falls asleep, I mean, like really bad, like you walk on it and it not only hurts, but sometimes you're not sure what you're doing and you walk around like a retarded gorilla. Imagine that feeling in your foot in your damn eyes. The manual wasn't lying either, it feels like that. Now, as a condition of my training as a top of the pack security guard, ha, was that immediately after being sprayed, I had to cuff a guy, and then frisk him and find a weapon. Only then could I submerge my head in water. That water was great feeling, but short lasting. After washing my face with baby shampoo, it's easy on the eyes, I stood up, dried off, and paced for about 15 minutes. It seemed like the right thing to do. Wind feels amazing, sun feels awful. Your eyes stop hurting after a few minutes, but guess what, your brain doesn't think you should have them open. You can open them for a few seconds and your brain goes "Wait a second, I tried that once, it turned out pretty bad, close eyes, now."
After you dry off, a new effect takes hold. Before, the eyes just burned and you cough some, because you inhale pepper. Once dry, though, your face burns. Imagine the worst sunburn you've ever had, raise it up about twice as many notches and imagine it on your face. It's been an hour and a half since I was sprayed and my face still burns. Your only thought is "I need to submerge my head in water again, that shit was amazing." There's a catch though, thankfully our trainers told us this catch. Water does feel great, but once you take your head out again, and dry off, it will burn slightly more. As you stand around dry it slowly goes away, but water reactivates the god damned satan pepper. It makes your face burn more, it may get more pepper off, but it will intensify whats there.
It also affects some people way more than others. In fact, about 2% of the population is completely unaffected by it. They get sprayed and nothing really happens. We had a guy kind of like that in our training, he's a douche. That's a lie, he's a pretty nice guy, but the fact that it didn't effect him much makes him an assboat. Yeah, assboat. Anyway, it's way worse the whiter you are. Which, as my good friend Jarrett points out, "thats interesting since we designed pepper spray to injure young black men." The more aryan you are, the worse it is. In case you've never seen me, I'm a combination of English, Swedish, German and Norse. You can't get much more Aryan than that. I'm very white, blonde and blue-eyed. Luckily, I didn't take the advice of one co-worker of "You should shave beforehand." God, that would have been a bad idea. That was my adventure today, I'm now sitting in my house, with a fan blowing in my face, dirnking milk and from time to time rubbing cold things on my face, which, to anyone who was watching and didn't know the circumstances, might lead them to belive I had a weird fetish for metal things, but they feel so damned nice against my face.
posted by Sam at 6:23 PM
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